What Is It In Me That Keeps Running From Love?
Just Another Tuesday in the Wilds of God
“Throughout my life, through my life, the world has little by little caught fire in my sight until, aflame all around me, it has become almost completely luminous from within.” —Teilhard de Chardin, The Divine Milieu
I pass through the veil, gossamer, dreamlike, glistening, like silk fluttering in a zephyr wind I cannot feel. Like butterfly wings.
I cross to the dais, but everything is dais. I kneel. I press my face to the floor. I listen. I listen.
And it is like breathing the wild clean air after days without oxygen.
Everything is silence. Everything is music. Everything is thunder. Everything is Other. Everything is mine. Everything. Everything. Every. Thing.
Is love.
…
What is it, I wonder?
What is it in me that keeps running from love?
What is it in me that keeps looking away when you look at me?
What if I actually am the apple of your eye?
Why does that thought terrify me?
I lay my right hand on the ground that I know is you, gold and bright, warm like the dawn and flowing as rivers do even as it holds me up like stone.
Do I have the courage to abandon myself?
Have I the strength to lay down the ego I know as “Me”?
Can I become such an “Ego-less King”?1
You place your right hand on my heart, and speak:
“EPHPHATHA.”
A symphony of angel voices. The roar of many waterfalls. The light of the sun if it were an aria. The churning of the fire at the center of the earth. A great and terrible silence. An impossibly warm and vulnerable whisper of love…
“BE OPENED.”
My whole being vibrates in resonance with your voice.
Open your eyes. Unclench your fists. Unfurl your body to the world. Let go your defenses, your weary hypervigilance. Expose your heart to the universe.
Let Love — Oh Love! Wild Love! — take you for a ride!
EPHPHATHA! EPHPHATHA! EPHPHATHA!
“Have I the strength to lay down the ego I know as “Me”?” This is what I am wondering these days. Thank you for sharing this resonating piece.