The Beautiful Burning Way

On Finding and Following Your Own Aliveness (FREE ZOOM CALL)

"The glory of God is a human being fully alive." — St. Irenaeus

The first time I came alive, and knew it, I was in Glorieta, New Mexico. It was the summer of 1978, on the last morning of a week long retreat in those juniper-scented mountains, not far from Sante Fe. Having just turned fourteen, I had hardly two brain cells to rub together between my ears. But I had climbed my first mountain that week, and I had met scores of new friends from all over the country. One night I had even nearly kissed a girl from Appalachia under the full moon on Lookout Point. It had been a very good week by all accounts. But none of those things had been the thing that brought my heart to life.

On the final morning, I snuck away from my friends, down the long, ribboning path away from the lodges where we slept, and into the grand sanctuary where we had been holding sessions every day. I’m still not certain why I went. I just wanted to see it one last time, I guess. I loved its stained glass and its southwestern vibe. Growing up the son of a pastor who nearly always stayed at the church until every other soul had gone home, I had developed over the years of my childhood a special affection for empty churches. More often than not, a full church bored me. But an empty church, now that was something. I always got the sense that God was more present in the silence of an empty cathedral than in all the bustle of bodies and voices that came with church life. I knew I was certainly more present in such spaces. Maybe that was the point.

In any case, I hadn’t seen this particular sanctuary in its pristine emptiness all week long, and I figured this would be my last chance. So I slipped in the back door, up the stairs, and into the balcony where I could take in the full grandeur of the place in the light of the morning sun.

Only, as it turned out, the sanctuary was not empty. There was a piano on the stage, and on its bench sat a young man, older than me but still a teen, with a teenage girl seated beside him, and another standing at his shoulder. He was playing the piano and singing, and the girls were singing with him, a soulful ballad we had all learned earlier in the week. There were no microphones to amplify their voices, and all the lights in the room were off. But none of that mattered. The sound of their offering played off the walls of the empty chamber like gossamer threads, weaving harmonies as they flowed, mingling with the dappled colors of the sunbeams that poured through the lines of stained glass.

A postcard of the sanctuary at Glorieta from the time when I was there.

Something inside me awakened in that moment. A fire (but that is far too weak a word) burst to life within my soul. My heart began to pound like it had never pounded before. I knew, or rather recognized, that something in me had come alive. I did not know what it was, but I knew whatever it was was burning—fully, truly, richly, vibrantly burning—for the first time in my life.

I wept, quietly but joyfully, for at least a half hour, marveling. What is happening to me? I wondered. My young mind could not make sense of it. But when at last I fumbled my way back outside, I turned my face to the sun and promised myself I would never forget that moment, and I would do everything I could to never lose my connection to the fire of life I had discovered there.

Some might call what happened to me a kind of hierophany—a manifestation of the sacred or divine—and it was certainly that, to be sure. But in the decades since that day, I have learned that it wasn’t only that. It was also a deeply human moment for me, and a deeply human experience, one common to us all—the experience of a heart awakening to its own capacity for real, true aliveness.

In my case, that aliveness connected me to my unique passion for the mystic path, and my natural bent toward a contemplative way of life. But that same aliveness in other hearts—in your heart, for example—might connect to a myriad of other kinds of aliveness, each as varied as we humans are varied, but all of them as vital to our collective thriving as that one experience was to mine.

FORGING A LIFE BUILT ON ALIVENESS

In my recent essay, “How To Burn Furiously Beautiful,” in which I suggest some ways to counter the chaos and confusion of these current days, I asked an important question, “What are you for?” More specifically, I wrote this:

“Rather than solely being against the chaos, what exactly are you for? Joy? Community? Service? Integrity? Love? Whatever it is, let your soul burn furiously beautiful for that. Make your story about that. Let that be the music that makes your soul dance.”

Even as I wrote those words, I realized that a challenge like that could leave a lot of people feeling stuck. Because what if you don’t actually know what you are for? What then?

The question is not as easy to answer as it might seem at first glance. Because of course I’m not talking about what society tells you you should be for—not what your parents, or your spouse, or your family, or your church, or your social tribe, or your boss, or your company, or your country say you should care about or give your life to. I am talking about what genuinely, truly, passionately makes you, specifically, come alive…what lights up your deepest soul…what sets your particular heart on fire in the most beautiful, burning way possible.

To genuinely know what you are for, you have to answer that deeper question. But the answer to that question can never come from the outside. It can only come from within. Listening for that answer is not always easy, especially with society constantly screaming its own answers in our ears.

I have been coaching professionally now for over twenty years. I have partnered with hundreds of people to help them find their answer to that deeper question. Within the coaching profession, we call these expressions of aliveness a person’s Core Values. No two humans have the same Core Values. They are unique to each person, and discovering them requires an intuitive process of open-hearted curiosity, and a willingness to be vulnerable with yourself and others in ways that are unsettling and require courage. But the pay off for the process is often nothing short of life changing.

Naming your Core Values is akin to hacking into your ideal operating system as a human being. You learn, in practical, actionable ways, the specific life contexts that create the “ideal habitat” for your unique soul, and the specific ways of engaging that context that are best suited to your thriving. Once empowered with this information, you can begin to reshape the way you live to better match your ideal “OS,” which leads not only to greater levels of joy and satisfaction, but also to greater levels of resilience, passion, effectiveness, and impact. It is, in actual fact, a whole life upgrade.

We all know what this looks like. When you see someone living in the glory of their full aliveness, they shine more brightly in the world. They laugh more easily, and cry more easily too. Their presence is somehow larger than they are. They become a force to be reckoned with, a shaper of things, rather than one who is shaped by them.

I have yet to meet a single soul in my life who did not want that kind of aliveness. And why shouldn’t we? We’re all made for it, after all.

A SPECIAL FREE EVENT

Because this is such a vital topic, and I know it matters to all of us, I have decided to schedule a live zoom conversation open to any of you who are interested in learning more about how to identify the Core Values in your own life and reforge your life around them.

This LIVE ZOOM CALL will happen on Tuesday, April 1st, at 7 PM Mountain Time (8 pm Central, 9 pm Eastern). During that call, I'll do some live coaching work directly with some of you on the call to walk you through the process of “Values Mining,” as I call it, and help you identify and name a Core Value in your life.

I'll also answer any questions you have about Core Values…including things like:

• What if I can’t find my values?

• What if my values don't match my partner's values?

• What if my values don't align with my job, but I need the work?

• What if living my values means losing relationships?

• What if living my values feels too risky (especially financially or socially)?

I've scheduled the call for an hour, but I am totally open to letting it go for 90 minutes if we need to. Also, if you register but then can't make it to the call, you will get a recording of the call. (BUT I recommend you attend live if at all possible. You won't want to miss out on the experience.)

To be clear, the zoom call is totally free.

Just follow the link below to register.

A FINAL RECOMMENDATION

A few days ago, I sent out a video to subscribers of my IDENTITY MATTERS newsletter in which I talk extensively about Core Values, and walk through the process of how to discover yours and name them. I encourage you to watch the video before the zoom call to get the most out of our time together. The video is 27 minutes long.

And, if you’d like to sign up for my IDENTITY MATTERS newsletter, you can do that here. If you want to know more about my work as a coach, you can learn more here.

Thanks, everyone. I look forward to seeing you LIVE next Tuesday,

Michael

“There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have. And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls.” — Howard Thurman