Just Me Wondering...

...in the middle of the night

I wake inside the night, alert, listening, like one called, like a subject summoned. I wonder what it is the darkness wants to say to me, what it is to be alive now, what it is to be free, and in my soul I see the bird of my spirit soar above the mountains scanning for water, a place to land and rest, and in my mind I wonder how long the trail before me winds and whether I can make it all the way to where I want to go. I wonder what it means that I am here on earth just now, at this particular time, and what it is exactly I am here to say, to write, to wake the world. I wonder if I can say it, if I will say it, if I will have the courage, and the skill to say it beautifully, to make God proud. I wonder if I will manage to find my way to the end of my story here without any part of the story undone. I wonder what part of the story is being written right now, and whether it's the part I think it is, or something else entirely. I wonder if I'll know when I am finished, and when I am, I wonder if I'll be ready to go.

I wonder what Jesus is, really, and what it really is about him or life that makes him so hard for other people to find. I wonder whether I am right about his objective in this great war, or if I'm foolish to believe that love is stronger and more compelling than fear or hate. I wonder how long he'll let the story play out to prove the answer to that great question, the one question upon which the destiny of the whole world hangs in the balance. I wonder whether love will actually win—in me, in you, in every broken beautiful thing—and every voice in the universe finally sing as one in wild abandon: “We have seen the Truth of Love, and it has set us free!”