Becoming the Man I Want to Know

on the discipline of staying faithful to your own heart

“There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have. And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls.” — Howard Thurman

The song of my heart in these days is a thunder of drums, pounding in the air all around, vibrating through the earth, warning of the coming of the Kingdom of Heaven.

I am on the march. I am taking my mountains. My song is that song – the rhythmed beating of my heart, coming to set itself free. The warrior. The king. The wizard. The lover. The scoundrel. The priest. The explorer. The sage. All of them coming together to live in me, to fight for me. For my heart. From my True Life.

Who can know this? “Who can see my mad tearing dance? No one. No one.” I can barely see it myself. Only in hints, glimpses out of the corner of my eye. I am becoming something new – someone I have always, always, wanted to know.

He is very good. A good man. But he is not safe. Just like his Master, whom he loves above all other loves.

Hallelujah.

Hallelujah.

I HOLD FIRE

I hold fire
in my secret heart
that drives my walking
no matter where it is
I mean to go

this vow is mine
though I do not know
its name

it lives 
beneath my words
beyond the reach
of civil conversation

it dares me
to feel alive
to be life
to raise holy fire
above my head
and simply go

To split the stone
with a sword
to summon rivers
in a land with no rain
to dance
wet and wild and free
upon the lightning
at midnight
you must sever yourself
from a reasonable life

this fire is mine
though I do not know
its name

I am unmoored
by its beckoning
unmade by its
unreasonable demands
and all my life
is better for it

for it is here
in this untamed country
I find a place 
where I can stand
and realize
in the standing
that it is mine
that it has always
been mine
that all of it
is homecoming

What can I do
but run 
toward the beckoning grace?

Wandering Updates…

• Over the last few months, I’ve been on an extended wander across the north and east of the country — Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, Maine, then down through Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, until settling into Georgia for a while. I followed the trees as they turned in Autumn. It was every bit as magical as I dreamed, and far more. If you’ve never seen New Hampshire in October, you must at least once before you die. It’s absolutely stunning.

• After spending Thanksgiving with family in Houston, I’ll have a brief stopover with friends in Austin, then I’m heading west-southwest. I don’t quite know where I’ll go yet, which is of course the point of a peregrination, but I’m excited to find out.

• For those curious about the novels, the production process is coming along nicely! Edits are complete on all four books and now we’re on to the typesetting phase. It won’t be long before I’ll be ready to send out ARC (advance reader copies) for the first book in the series, for folks willing to leave a review on Amazon and Goodreads.com. Stay tuned!

Photos I’ve taken…

Shots from the road...